“If it’s not worth documenting, it’s not worth doing.”

Tonight I heard this quote in a documentary we watched in class and it perfectly describes the way I live my life. I’m a writer, I’m a taker of photos; I set out each day to add to my own personal story, whether it be by adding a new little anecdote or a picture of something amazing I saw, I document. I feel like a day is wasted if I haven’t created something I’d love to share with the world. I don’t see the point in living a life that isn’t worth showing, telling. What fun is in that? I’d like to think that when I die and get to watch my life flash before my eyes, it’s going to be the best damn two minutes I’ve ever witnessed.

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Picture Perfect: A Tiny Bit of My Photography Journey

So last year I bought a Canon Rebel xs (or 1000d) and immediately starting taking pictures of any and everything. Looking back now, I honestly wasn’t very good. I was a stupid teenager with a nice camera and nearly no idea what I was doing (I say nearly because I actually had a good idea of what I was doing compared to most people I knew). Nonetheless, my work was typical. Average. Nothing to be proud of. Sure I was proud of it, though. 

Now, just over a year later, it’s amazing to look back on my past work and see how far my photography has come. I recently found out today that one of my pieces I took this summer will be published in a journal put out each semester at my school. My new lens I ordered also came in the mail today and I used it to start shooting one of my friend’s senior pictures. If I were to be able to look to the future last year, I would never expect the work I’ve done to be mine. It’s amazing what time, patience, and dedication can do. Maybe I’ll look back in a year and think the exact same thing. Hey, at least I’ll see my progress.

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Some of the senior pictures I took today.

 

Do We Really Ever “Find” Ourselves?

I don’t feel myself and I haven’t for a little while. Yet at the same time I thought everything was falling into place. What is that place? How am I supposed to feel? I guess that’s what life is about, but it seems like it’s a pattern of sorts; things are great, I feel lost, things fall into place, life confuses me. I want to know the meaning of life, but I feel like searching only destroys me, yet going with the flow kills me too. I guess I’m just at a point where I don’t know what I need or want or what is truly important to me, and that scares the hell out of me. I have friends but I feel lonely, I have things I do but I’m caught in a hole of dissatisfaction. I want to be happy, to find out what this all means, but honestly I’m pretty damn lost.

Closure Killer

Okay, so back about five months ago, me and my best friend Alexis got in a fight. We haven’t spoken since. Well actually that statement would be true if I were posting about three days ago. Three days ago I broke the silence that has been us for months. After having my current best friend drop me quite randomly, I have gotten to thinking and have felt absolutely terrible about how I treated Alexis. I had her number still saved in my Ipod, so I took the time to send out an apology to her. I made it clear that I wasn’t trying to forge myself back in her life and that a reply wasn’t even necessary. To my disbelief, she replied immediately. We’ve been talking ever since then, and may even be getting together sometime in the near future. I can’t really say what changed things (because I’m not too sure), but I really am glad that things are going well. I’m trying to keep my distance because I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but at the same time I just want to jump right back to where we are (which is actually kind of what started happening). Anyhow, no one except for you and one other friend know about this, so shh. Let’s see where this closure actually goes. Perhaps it’s actually an opener?

Best Friend?

Why is it that no matter how hard I try to please everyone it is still never enough? Everyone is having a good time and you’re busy making posts about how bad your friends treat you behind their backs. Then when I confront you, you have the nerve to ignore me? It’s things like that that make me lose my trust in people. It’s things like that that make me feel like I am such an awful person. I don’t know what your issue is, but I really hope you know I was serious when I said I am taking my friendship elsewhere. I deserve so much better than that. I really do.

Ready…Set…TITANIC!

It’s Homecoming week! You know what that means? Well neither did I, it being my first year of college and all. I soon found out one of the traditions at my school is to hold a cardboard boat race on the Chancellor’s pond. The student organizations get together and build boats out of cardboard and duct tape then race across the pond. I, loving to make a fool out of myself, volunteered to race the boat that Intervarsity (a club I am involved in) built. As soon as I saw that thing, I knew it wasn’t going far. My team told me that although we probably wouldn’t win, there is an award for the most dramatic sink, so if you feel it going under, make it dramatic. And that is what I did. Halfway across the pond and I was drenched, the boat not even moving. I plugged my nose and flopped out of the boat completely underwater. And it was totally worth it. We won the Titanic award. I had fun, I had a good laugh, and at least I got some kind of award. Happy Homecoming week!

I’ve had a good amount of friends throughout my life, but I think it’s safe to say that I’ve never really clicked with many people. I had a “best friend” for 6 years. We were more about fun, no real connections. Plus, she was also subtly putting me down. I had another friend for about 3 years. I swear I thought we were going to be friends forever. But we had no real common interests. We just spent time together and talked about our days, but the more we got to know each other, the less we really knew each other. That friendship ended back in May and sure did crush me. That brings me to now (or at least a few months ago), searching for someone who wasn’t just a person to fill my boring days with. At my graduation party my friend brought one of her friends (that I had hung out a few times with when my friend brought me over there). It all began when I brought my camera outside. We talked about what kind it was, where I got it, and such. We also realized we have similar music tastes. It continued when it was discovered that she wants to go to the same school I do for the same exact thing I want to (journalism). Now, we hangout regularly, going on photography adventures and shopping trips for vintage cameras. After having so many shallow friendships, it sure is nice to have someone to hangout with that actually enjoys what I do and doesn’t mind when I talk about things I’m passionate about. I know we haven’t been friends for very long at all, but I’m so thankful to have met her.