I’m the kind of person that’s always making plans, always inviting others, always pulling everything together. Don’t get me wrong, I have a select group of friends that make plans with me first and don’t make me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort (hi if you’re reading this, Aubree. Haha). But the rest? I feel like I’m running in circles.
I feel like most of the people I want in my life honestly don’t want me around. And, no, it’s not just because they’re busy. They choose not to spend time with me, choose to blow me off. I thought it was just hectic schedules for a while but it hit me that wasn’t the case when a person I’ve been reaching out to for a while eagerly made plans with someone else. Now this isn’t jealously, it’s me hurt by a stupid situation. I have tried numerous times to contact this person with plans, even just a simple lunch date, to which I get no replies or “I’m busy” responses for literally two months straight.
And it’s not just that friend. It’s a large amount of the people I associate with. I know I could just walk away, cut ties completely, go out and find people that have time for me, but that’s easier said than done. I care about these people. I love them, I love talking to them, I love their company. I guess that if they don’t feel the same (or at least that’s what they’ve showed me), I should stop wasting my time and move on. I mean, actions do speak louder than words and their actions are screaming “I don’t want you around.” It makes me feel awful. It makes me wonder what I’ve done wrong that makes them not want me around. Maybe I’m just exhausting all my time in the wrong place. Maybe my time isn’t important to them. Maybe I’m just someone there to talk to when no one else is around. No matter the reason, it bothers me, maybe a whole lot more than it should.