Funny how a melody sounds like a memory

Isn’t crazy how a song can bring you back to a certain time and place; put a face of a friend, past or present, in your mind? How those two songs can make you think of a few summers back? What about that entire album that marked a point in your life? Or how a set of songs can make you think of your best friend and all the great memories you share? How about the songs that make you cry when you remember the people that have forgotten you?

Music is so powerful. Music is memories and lyrics are a recollection of life. I love songs that bring me back because for the time that song is on, I’m back to that time that has passed. I can close my eyes and see and feel and relive a time that has impacted me. The moments captured in songs are varied but they are far from random. They’re significant. They’re the times I will never forget, marked with a song to guarantee I never do.

A song is more useful to me recalling details than just simply writing something down. A song is a snapshot; a photo of a day that comes alive within your mind every time you hear it. Whether it be the greatest time of your life, or the lowest points you have endured, music brings you back.

It is remembering, reliving, healing. Music mends that alone feeling when you flashback. Music holds you together. Music reminds you you’re not alone. Music occupies your racing mind.

A song is a tie to the past. Years have passed and I can still see myself back where I was when I was listening to those same exact songs. It’s both amazing and beautiful to me. Music is more than sounds. Music is more than words. Music touches listeners, each in a different way, but nonetheless a way that can have an impact on lives forever. Forever.

Advertisements

I am so thankful for my best friend Kelsey and I don’t think I have ever really expressed that much until lately. Starting from the moment we became close, she has never let me down. I can call her whenever I need someone to give me a good laugh or just listen to whatever is going on. Whether we see each other a few times a week or every other month, we always end up as close as we were in the first place.

It’s funny really, the summer we really became close. It was the summer after the school year that we had met, which was my sophomore year. She randomly called me because she wanted to hear dramatic stories and knew I would have them. Ironically I had been going through a really big situation at the time. She would call me every night and I would tell her about everything that was going on in my life. We both got a good laugh and I was able to let out all the things that had been plaguing and destroying my thoughts.

It was at that point that we started hanging out. We spent a whole lot of time together that summer (and would do the same for the following summers as well). She’s always the one to take long, random bike rides with me. I could probably write a book of all the memories and adventures we have because they’re all such great moments I am thankful for, but that would take way too long to do. Hey, maybe one day I’ll write an autobiography or something and she’ll get a good set of chapters to herself in it. Haha.

Now I’m a freshmen in college and she’s just finishing up her senior year of high school. These past few months I have really taken the time to see just how thankful I am for her and the friendship we share. I absolutely mean it when I say that I can’t imagine my life if she wasn’t a part of it. She’s more than my best friend, she’s a sister to me; she’s part of my family. My parents love her so much that I can just leave her with them to hangout when I have to go to work. She’s pretty much like one of my parents’ kids, (they’re “ma” and “pops” to her) and the other day my mom told me she’s their favorite daughter haha.

Even though both of our lives have gotten extremely busy with school and work and other commitments, we still manage to hangout and see each other and I am glad for that. I cannot wait for this summer because if it’s anything like the past summers, it will be an amazing one. I hope she can handle dealing with me every day because I’m going to show up at her house. A lot.

I don’t really hangout with many people and I don’t talk to many of my old friends, but Kelsey has always been there, thick and thin. We have only ever fought once and I’m pretty sure neither of us even count that as a fight. I’ve never had a friend as close as her and I hope she knows that I love her am so grateful for everything she does for me, and that I would do absolutely anything for her.

Life is crazy, I really have not felt myself lately, and I really am terrified of growing up and figuring everything out, but having a best friend as amazing as her really does make it easier and makes life worth living, even when it starts feeling like a waste of time. I know sometimes I haven’t been a good friend and I haven’t been there as much as I should have, and I appreciate her sticking by my side and putting up with all the extra baggage my friendship comes with. I’m just really so damn thankful.

Thank You.

I honestly don’t know where I would be without the support of my family and friends. There have been points in my life where I have allowed myself to get so low that I never thought I would get back up again. I’m thankful to say that I have people that have been there to pick me right back up when I’ve stumbled.

Although I talk about being lonely, I know that there’s always someone I can turn to when I’m having an off day and just need a laugh or someone to let it all out to. Likewise, I know I always have someone I can share my excitement and happiness with when something goes right. I consider myself pretty strong and independent, but I still have a hard time picturing who I would be if it wasn’t for the support system I have.

I’ve been through a lot of friends, but since the end of high school, I’ve started to see who is going to stick with me through this whole college thing, as well as met some of the sweetest, most compassionate people I have ever encountered. From my old friends, to the friends I’ve recently met, I am so thankful for each and every person that has walked into my life, had a conversation with, and still wants anything to do with me. I’m all over the place, I talk a lot, I can get annoying, and sometimes I am selfish and do prioritize wrong, but that hasn’t stopped the right people from coming in and putting up with it.

Then there’s my family. I don’t think there’s much I need to say about them other than they’re awesome.

From the bottom of my heart, I love each and every one of you with all I’ve got. Without you, I wouldn’t be the person I’m growing up to be. I don’t even know if I would have made it this far without the people that have sacrificed their own time and happiness to make sure I was okay and see what I have been up to. It means so much to me. I just want you to know that. Even if we’re not that close, if you’ve been a part of my life, there’s a good chance I think about you and appreciate you. I could probably go on and on, but just know I love you and am so thankful for all you do for me; every conversation, laugh, smile, encouraging word, hug is important to me. Thank you.

Dreaming Big

Near the end of my senior year as college got closer, I got so many comments about how journalism was a bad career choice, how I won’t find a job, how it’s not worth it, how I should be a doctor or some other well paying health field job. Just recently someone I worked with enthusiastically asked me what I was studying. When I answered, her tone dropped and her only reply was, “oh.”

I’ll admit that I did let the doubts of others get to me. I considered changing my major, I looked into other majors, I tried to find one to switch to. I honestly could not find something that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be stuck in some job I’m unhappy with or couldn’t picture myself doing every day. Even just having a part time job has proved to me that I can never let my career be something I don’t fully enjoy doing.

So here we are. It’s only my second semester of college and I am one hundred percent certain that what I am doing is what I can see myself doing until I’m old and ready to retire. Even at that point, I don’t see myself ever not writing. Writing is my life, my motivation. These past few months have been crazy and I’m still pretty shocked at the way things have been going.

Since school started, I’ve been writing for the paper at my university. Through the paper,I obtained a press pass to interview and photograph the band Strange Talk. From that, I met a girl who runs her own online magazine and have recently started writing for that. I recently did a phone interview with the band Sleeper Agent to preview a concert for my school’s paper, as well as an email interview with another singer for the magazine. On top of that, today I set up interviews with Of Mice and Men and We Came as Romans to preview one of their shows.

It’s honestly all just sort of happened. I would have never pictured myself doing what I’ve been doing, but I absolutely love it. Music, writing, and photography mean so much to me, and to combine them all is amazing. This is only just the beginning and I couldn’t tell you where I may be years from now, but I can say that wherever it is, as long as I’m writing, I’ll be content.

 

Lay All Your Troubles Down

I don’t actually know what I’m going to write in this post, I just felt the need to write. To write something personal, something that’s me, to stop and think about my thoughts and feelings and such for a little bit. Haven’t done that in a while.

Well. I’ve been in college for six months now. That’s cool and all. Weird, different, sometimes a bit odd, but cool nonetheless. I like it. This semester is killing me already, but hey, it’s not high school so that’s good, right? Work, work destroys me nearly every time I work. I think it’s probably just the fact that I have to deal with people that treat me with absolutely no respect and seem to always get stuck dealing with problems and such and it’s overwhelming. At least I’ve gotten close with a few of my coworkers that make the experience so much better. I wouldn’t say they’re coworkers, they’re definitely friends and I am so blessed to have them around me.

Myself? I’m okay. I’m happy sometimes, I’m sad sometimes. I usually don’t know what I feel and I guess that’s probably normal for most teenagers. I guess I’m just still searching for a lot, while letting myself get hung up on things that are long gone, unchangeable, and undeserving of my attention. Mostly, I’m lonely. I guess I would much rather be lonely than surrounded by people that don’t actually care as much as I care about them, but either way, caring more can be a problem, whether the person is around or not. Beyond the point. Okay back to what I was saying, I’m lonely. But not lonely in the “oh I had lunch by myself a few times” way. Heck, that doesn’t even happen too much anymore. I’ve found a good circle of friends since college started, people I love to death already, in addition to work friends, and the group of friends I still have from high school. That doesn’t stop me from feeling so utterly alone that sometimes it really does scare me.

I just need to pick up a friend and take a long drive of just talking. Or a long walk. Talking about anything and everything. That used to keep me sane and that doesn’t happen anymore and maybe that’s driving me to this empty feeling. I guess everyone is just growing up, becoming preoccupied with commitments. Hell, I’m doing the same, I’ve done the same, and I feel awful about it, but at this point I feel like there’s no turning back. What’s it matter anyways? They’re probably already too busy for me anyhow. I’ve spent so much time focusing on growing up and making myself better that I’ve completely forgotten to stop and enjoy what is (or was) beside me. I suppose that in a way, the growing up is making me happy but I still want to cling to the small remnants of what used to be. When they only appear once in a great while, I begin to miss what used to be so badly.

That’s life. Or rather, that’s life? I don’t know what life is, I don’t know what the point is, or why we’re all here. Perhaps no one knows because is someone did, maybe this world wouldn’t be such a screwed up place. So much hate and envy and violence among people-I really don’t get it. It scares me and makes me upset, I don’t want to go out and trust and grow and love when someone could be waiting to destroy you and you have not the slightest clue. Everyone is fighting demons but it seems as though no one else really cares or stops to assist others. Or at least they care but they have their own demons to slay, they really don’t have time to take on the hardships of others. It’s understandable.

I don’t want all the answers to life, but it’d be nice to have sort of grasp of what the purpose is, ya know? We live, we work, we die. Is there purpose in that? Am I missing something? Essentially me being in college is me paying a large amount of money just to get a job that will escort me to my grave somewhere down the road. Well, that’s a pretty depressing thought. At least I’m trying to get a job that will make me happy, even if it may not pay as well as other careers. Who cares? I’m going to die anyways so who really cares how much money I have?

That’s another thing: Death. I don’t like it. Well I mean no one does, but have you ever stopped and thought about when you might die? It could be years from now. It could be in a few years. It could be tomorrow. Something could come out of nowhere and just end your life. It doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair. You, the people you love, anyone could be gone tomorrow without us ever getting the chance to say goodbye. To me, that’s one of the worst parts of life. Even worse? There’s no way to stop it. We can live healthy lives and be extra careful to maybe put it off, but there is no stopping it.

I used to be really sappy because of that very fact, but many of my friends have made me feel so awful about telling my feelings that I don’t even bother doing it anymore. I know I will probably end up regretting that when it’s all said and done, but I guess I’ll just avoid the criticism. I love my friends so much. I care about them with all I’ve got and would give anything for them, but do they know that? Probably not. They don’t want to know that. Or at least that’s what they’ve made evident to me.

I start getting close to new people and really like them a great amount, but they most likely have no idea because I keep my emotions so hush that it’s not noticeable. I feel like not saying how you feel or showing people how you feel is some sort of new fad. People don’t want to know how great you think they are, how much you love them, how you’d take a bullet for them. Surely I’d love to know these things, would love for someone to tell me these things, but it seems not many other people would. I’ve literally been laughed at for telling people how I feel and that belittles me so much. I don’t like holding my emotions in but I’m forced to and that probably adds a lot to the way I feel and think lately.

I’m not giving up, I’m just trying to move on. But from what? The person I am, I’m forced to move on from my personality. Is that even possible?

I guess I’m just having a bad night. Although I usually end up feeling this way every night, so what’s that supposed to mean? This is just the first time in a long time that I’ve actually sat down and wrote. It feels so good to do so. I could probably go on and on (and actually want to) but I’m tired and really stressed about school, so I better get some sleep. I can’t control how things are going, especially when other people are involved so heavily, but at least I can attempt to control my grades and I guess that counts for something.

Goodnight.