It’s time.

Sometimes I feel like things are moving forward, while other times I feel as though I have hit a standstill. I’m only 18 so I probably shouldn’t worry about my future a huge amount, but at the same time it’s as if I’m supposed to already have my entire life figured out and was supposed to the minute I got my diploma handed to me last June. Sure, I have a good idea what I want to do and I have made great strides towards my future these past few months, but there’s always that nagging fear that something is going to go horribly wrong and I am going to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for.

I am so fearful of not being good enough-not good enough for my career, for school, for my friends, for anything. It’s probably a feeling a lot of people my age feel but it is so stressful and worrying about one aspect I may not be good enough for only pushes me to be more worked up about the other parts. It is so exhausting. I think I let myself get so worked up over hypothetical situations based off my past experiences. For instance, one of my biggest fears is that everyone is going to leave me. They are going to get sick of me and not want me around anymore; everyone always does. It’s a particularly silly notion to have in my head, considering how the people in my life now have been there for me every single time I have needed someone and have never let me down, but I still feel like I’m pretty irritating. Would I put up with me? Probably not. I give major props to everyone who has stuck around me, especially my best friend because she definitely takes way too many of my hits that shouldn’t even be coming her way. I don’t know why she puts up with me but I guess that I’ve finally found the meaning of true friendship in the friendship we share.

I don’t know why I let the littlest things get to me. I have so far to go and nothing now, absolutely nothing now is saying, “You won’t make it. This is wrong. Stop now. Failure. You are going to lose.” 

Nothing…but my own mind. I don’t know if that fact is comforting or terrifying. Why do people bother to take life so seriously? I think about that quite often…we’re all going to die one day so why not enjoy what we have and stop stressing about when it could be gone? Take it all in, take none of it for granted. I need to take my own advice and readjust my own mindset when it starts getting chaotic. I have so much to be thankful for and there is so much for me to enjoy. I’m done fearing what could be and I’m done being negative about everything. There is so much for me to be happy about. There are people that care about me, whether I get why anyone would ever want to be around me or not, they care and they want to spend time with me and they want to see me happy. Hey, I want to see me happy too and instead of stressing and worrying about things that are so far in the future, I’m going to dedicate my time to the people I love and that love me, while working towards happiness. 

I’ve let my worries out, now this is my promise-my promise to myself, my promise to the people that are there for me; it is time to drop my insecurities, it is time to start living life as if it could all end at any time, while not even worrying about that rather true fact. It’s time to start living. It’s time to be happy. I’m not alone and there is nothing in my way.

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“I’ll be right by your side till 3005”

My best friend Kelsey has been saying how we should get matching tattoos for a while.

When I have mentioned to people that I wanted to get a tattoo with my best friend, I always would get mixed reactions. I would hear how cute of an idea it was, while other people would tell me it was a definite no-go. I know their reasons behind thinking it’s a bad idea. Friendships end and things change and all that, I get it, I get it.

Really, I don’t care. I have already gotten negative comments about the tattoos and what a “terrible” idea it was. I can’t say I agree in the slightest. The friendship Kelsey and I share is a friendship that has impacted my life so much that even if (God forbid) we were to stop talking, I wouldn’t regret the tattoo because she has influenced the person I am.

The tattoos say, “Till 3005”. It’s taken from Childish Gambino’s “3005”. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the song, it says, “I’ll be right by your side till 3005.” I guess it’s sort of worked its way up to the song of our friendship (okay, one of the million songs of our friendship).

Kelsey has been by my side through all my highs and lows. She has seen me at my very best and my very worst and has never left me hanging. Though there have been times where we haven’t been in much contact, no amount of distance or time has been able to hinder our friendship. I’ve had a good amount of “best friends” and not a single one of them can even amount to half of the friend Kelsey has been to me. I know that I can count on her for absolutely anything and even though I can bicker at her nonstop, we have never fought. It’s really nice to have someone that puts up with you even when you’re being as whiny and annoying as a young child. She knows me better than anyone else (and probably better than I know myself sometimes).

I don’t think enough words could express how thankful I am to have Kelsey as a friend. She is more than my best friend; she’s my sister, my partner in crime, my other half. When we first met, I truly didn’t think we would be friends, but now I can’t even picture my life, both what I’ve been through and what I will encounter, without her.

I’m not sure if this sounds really cliche or lame because Kels would probably make fun of me for being such a sappy loser if she read this post, but I guess that’s all part of the friendship we have. Haha. Anyhow, here’s the tattoos. The wrist on the left is her and the foot is me

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