“What about my grades and how well I’m doing in school? What about my articles and my photography?”
“Grades don’t matter.”
I am so sick and tired of being mentally destroyed by my family. These are the people I live with. These are the people that are supposed to love me. I don’t do a thing to them and they still find ways to make me out to be this horrible, idiotic monster. I’m 19 years old and yet I feel like every decision I make is being scrutinized.
I know that no one can judge me and it’s my own life to live but it’s so hard when the people you live with are constantly slaying you with their words over the decisions you make. It is so damn exhausting. No matter what I do, I will always be wrong in their eyes. That’s one thing, it’s a complete other thing to be so harassed for it. I know they don’t agree with all my decisions and I know they don’t completely support me like they claim to but to put me down and try to hurt, that’s when it crosses lines with me. It’s like who I am will never be good enough for them unless I have something to offer them. They criticize me over the friends I have, yet they make me feel as bad, if not worse, than the people I choose to associate with have made me feel.
My friends always leave me and my family always find things wrong with me that they can throw in my face at random intervals. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me and honestly, it makes me wish I was dead. If my own family isn’t going to love and support me, then who is going to? It’s like whenever I am happy or am having a good day, they see an opportunity to swoop in and crumble up my mood and make me feel like I am the scum of the earth. I wish with everything that I had the money to move out because as much as I’ve planned to live at home until I graduate college, I do not think I will mentally be able to handle it.