so long, my friend

It was a bit of a shock (if that’s the right word) to log on to this blog for the first time in more than four months and see that the last post was a gleaming post of happiness and gratitude for my best friend. You see, a week ago that same friend texted me and said she was cutting ties for good.

For a week I’ve been grappling with the feelings of it, of all I need and want to say but won’t say, of what went wrong, of the pros, the cons. I’m currently out of the country so receiving the text that friendship is over and knowing that when I get back, everything will be different and there’s nothing I can do about it has been something that has been weighing on me for most of the trip, even before the text officially cutting me off came.

I guess I just don’t get it. Things had gotten bad between us, yes, but was ending it really necessary? How do you end a friendship with your best friend through text? When they are 4,000 miles away and can’t do anything about what was happening? It couldn’t have waited until I got home? We couldn’t talk in person? Yes, things were rough but it was worth ending the entire friendship via a few text messages that tried to make it seem like a far cleaner break than it was?

I need to quit dwelling, I so desperately need to quit thinking about it (and I have been doing pretty well pushing it out of my mind, though that blog post brought me right back). I’m not as much hurt as I am angry now, but more angry at myself than the friend. I don’t get it. I will never get it, but I guess it’s just something I need to deal with.

I still think we should talk in person and I still believe that would have been the right way to handle it, but if someone can cut off their best friend without enough respect to speak to them, I guess it’s not a person worth chasing or being too upset over.